How the Brady Bunch helped me find my umbrella

The other day I realized my umbrella was missing, and had probably been missing since early October 2014.

Now, there’s nothing extremely special about this umbrella. It’s one of those small mini umbrellas that fits great in a backpack side pocket where one might place a water bottle. I bought the “Rain Free” umbrella in 2001, right before going on a work trip to England. While on the work trip I was going to take personal vacation time and visit Ireland. The forecast indicated rain and I knew I’d be out-and-about so I bought an umbrella.

After the England/Ireland trip it went on another work trip in 2003 to Germany for 6 weeks. This 6-week trip included weekend trips around Europe.

So, nothing special, other than mostly European memories.

My wife had been using it as of late. Since we only have one car (and she also doesn’t have a driver’s license yet), she sometimes has to walk from home to work. If the Houston sun is out, it’s too hot to walk, so she uses the umbrella more as a parasol. If it’s raining, she uses is for it’s most common purpose. It had served me well for so long and had no significant damage, other than missing the top cap, which had fallen off from use but in no way affected the umbrella. It also appeared a little worn on the inside and had some rust-looking stains. My wife on the other hand claimed that the arm support rods were broken and flimsy.

But, somewhere between work and school, it had “went missing”.  I really wanted it back and did my best to think of where it had gone using the “Brady Bunch Re-enactment Method”

 

She remembers having taken it to work, but nothing after that. I asked her if it was in her locker at work and she said it wasn’t, because not only did she check, but lockers are available to any employee although they have to use their own lock. I asked her to check with Customer Service but she declined. I think overall she didn’t like the umbrella and was looking for a way to get a new one. Perhaps she helped it to “go missing”.

• It wasn’t on the bookshelf by the door where it could be quickly grabbed when walking outside.
• It wasn’t in my car or on my desk at work.
• I checked all throughout the house; under, behind, and around the couch, in the laundry basket, under the bed, and in the closet.

I really wanted my umbrella back.

After thinking of everywhere it could have been and in spite of performing my best Brady Bunch re-enactment, it was most likely lost.  We would need to get another one, or perhaps, two.

I don’t typically watch the news (instead only having the TV on for background noise) but I caught a report of a cold snap with rain coming to Houston. Knowing we had lost an umbrella, it was time to go buy another one, especially since my wife would be out in the elements.

We stopped by the local Walmart where my wife works and went to the umbrella section. I almost immediately saw an umbrella with the “Rain Free” logo on the bottom of the handle. Having had good memories with my umbrella I was glad that they were still making them and I decided right then that I would buy the same umbrella.

I picked it up and looked at the top and noticed that the top cap was missing, just like mine.

Risking bad luck, I opened the umbrella indoors and noticed the same rust marks.

“Holy cow,” I thought, “this is my umbrella.”  My unseen faith and desire to find it panned out. It worked!!!

 

 

My wife didn’t believe me, even in spite of the rust marks and the wear and tear of the umbrella.  I was very glad I found it! Kind of sad that no one had wanted to buy it, but glad that “what once was lost, was now found.”

What most likely happened is that either walking in to work to clock in or leaving after clocking out, she purposely accidentally dropped the umbrella, another employee found it, and put it in the umbrella section.

Now that it was found I wasn’t sure what to do. I didn’t just want to walk out with it.

On more than one occasion my wife had told me that at work someone was caught shoplifting and hauled into the security office. She was asked by security to come in and watch them while security contacted the police and filled out forms.

The thieves were mostly women, and all of them stole “stupid stuff” that certainly wasn’t worth getting arrested for. Some of them stole makeup, others food, and others clothes.

I didn’t want to get arrested for “stealing” my own umbrella.

My wife found a co-worker and explained the situation to her. She said to talk to security. The new problem was that in order to talk to security was had to somewhat walk outside the store, or at least enough of the store that any employee looking might determine (and with good cause) that we were stealing something.

After some prodding my wife went and knocked on security’s door. A cop came out. She spoke a few words to him and then motioned me over.

I explained the whole story that I wanted to leave with my own umbrella. During the storytelling a Walmart security person came out. I got to explain the story twice.

They suggested I go to Customer Service and have them page a manager.

Off I went to Customer Service and said, “can you call a manager here?” She went to pick up the phone and hung it up and said, “he was just here.” She then looked inquisitively at me, “what’s wrong? Are you reporting an employee?” “Uh, no, I, uh, well, I lost my umbrella here a few weeks ago and now I want to take it, but I don’t want it to look like I’m stealing it.” She gave me an odd look and then noticing the manager, called him over.

I explained to him the whole umbrella story, even opening it to show him that it was used. I explained I didn’t want to get in trouble for stealing something.

He said it was “okay, no problem” to take it. I was glad he said that, but still a little worried since he looked too young to be a manager.

Having felt like I spent far too much time with the umbrella dilemma, I got my wife, and we left the store, umbrella in hand.

 

I was glad the Brady Bunch could help and can’t help but wonder how Encyclopedia Brown , Nancy Drew, the Hardy Boys, or Scooby Doo and gang would have handled the case.